I am not a portrait

“I’ve always preferred scents to full HD screens.
I’ve always put some distance between me and tech devices, I have never been attracted to them, furthermore, my attitude was a little bit suspicious.
I have always been proud of my ignorance about the last viral video of some random dog or cat skateboarding wearing a hat, or whatever.
Until now.
Now I am building my own digital identity, so called, and I recently realized that my lack of confidence with social media was driven by fear. It was anything but free will, nothing to be proud of.
I felt like the digital world was just a fake universe, the golden cage, if you know what I mean.
I thought there was nothing worth seeing there, not only that, it represented the escape exit from the messy world we live in.
Now I know there is no such thing as this, and as much as we are responsible for the physical world, so are we for the digital one.
A tool is defined by its usage, it doesn’t define itself a priori. This is what I ignored.
It’s easy to say, but it was a long journey to feel confident with this statement.
Before I started I.am.not.a.portrait_art profile I had questions like “what people will like the most?” or “I won’t use any filter, I want to be 100% me myself and I” or even “how often should I publish posts? And what about stories?”
Now my thoughts turned into something like “I wonder if people will have the same artistic taste as ME” and “I will use the filter that makes me feel 100% me” and also “Okay, let’s share these thoughts, I think they’re worth sharing”.
I don’t think I have to offer a 360° view of my life, or I’ll be considered “fake”. I don’t think people count the days between one post and another. And eventually, I don’t think my digital identity has to be the same as my physical one.
It is so relieving.
Just as there’s a filter between my mind and my mouth, so it is true of my digital life, and I think I’ll keep it there.
Furthermore, even now that I am struggling to be as honest and clear as possible, even this text whose aim is to show my naked thoughts, I swear, no filters here, even this text is not 100% me. Even if I am trying my best…
You now, English it’s not my mother tongue, my mind still thinks in Italian.
And you know, to translate is to betray. Whether you like it or not.
(You should read the amazing pieces I can write in Italian!)
While in English, I feel crippled by every fall at every step.
And yet, like a bird with a broken wing, I must still fly.”

Paola Medici